Take for instance last Sunday I got a pleasant surprise call from a friend who retired in the Caribbean. We exchanged pleasantries and catch up a little bit, then she passed the phone to her husband who is also a good friend. This fellow has a son who I'm mentoring, about the same age as my daughter. I mentioned to him that I spoke with his son the day before. He immediately launched into a verbal diarrhea as to why this guy doesnt have it to gether, he's this and he's that, spewing out label after label! I listened and then I interjected and reaffirm the young man, stating emphatically that I know he knows he "messed up" but I believe he is really truely and ernestly trying to find his way in life. That stopped him dead in his track. He now listened as I reminded him that I'm a "my mother's daughter", my mother doesnt give up on anybody, and neither do I. I told him that everybody need somebody to believe in them, even when they dont believe in themself. His said, "girl, that is true, I agree with you". Tone changed, conversation changed, and I am sure after getting off the phone he must feel better knowing that someone cares about the son he gave up on. Time will tell, but I can only speculate that based on past experiences, once he sees the young man starting "straighten up" he will do a 360, or even a 180 will be a good start!
The truth is nothing happens by accident or chance, everything happens for a reason. As "the world turns", things happen to bring the will of God to pass. This young man had relayed some of his childhood experiences and the begining of the "unravelling" of his life when he hit the teenage/young adult stage. I understood culturally where a big part of the problem was, but then there was also a huge generational gap. Parents and children in these situations just talk past each other, nobody listens to the other! I didnt have to say anything, but from that brief conversation I got confirmation that it would be impossible for the young man to have a discussion with his dad.
It's been said that we are all assigned souls we are charged with, I can relate because how this young man came into my path is quite by what we would call chance but looking back I know instinctively that it is part of the unseen plans of God, and it is truly amazing. For some strange and unknown reason back in 2003 or 2004 enquired about him and at that time he was in the throws of teenage revolt. I was told that he was "throwing away his life", and "he'd better straighten up". I suggested to the dad at the time that he needed counselling and even went on to tell him I know of a couple of counsellors who are very good at what they do and this kind of intervention might be the right prescription. His response was typically of people who do not understand the value of coulselling and psychology/psychiatry and intervention therapies. I left it alone - leap forward 6 or 7 years, I was a gathering where he was also in attendance, we chatted and the rest as they say is history.
A friend of mine was having some trouble understanding why her only son left her after he graduated from university and went out west to work. They had just purchased a home, her first, and she had big plans for them, but they were her plans, not his. The plans were not presented to him as a participating partner, but as a child. She didnt take it so well when I told her how I saw it. I enlightened her to the fact that as first generation immigrants, we chose to bring our children here and raise them in North American culture, so we have to adjust otherwise we will alienate them. She eventually got it, and now she is a blessing to others facing a similar challenge. I cannot take credit for this gem, I give the credit to my son who brought this to my attention when he was trodding this treacherous path of transition from teen to adulthood.
Imagine this: An illustration of the potentially crippling effect of labels in the workplace- so imagine you work in an sales office environment, people come and go, some sales people work from home, others have private offices and assistants and some have cubicles. All the sales people are "independent contractors". One lady sales person who had huge personal life struggles at the begining of her sales career and garnered significant experience in dealing with and overcoming obstacles and made a succss of the sales position, against all odds. A junior sales lady had her life thrown into chaos, with the breakdown of marriage and even ended up temporarily in a shelter. She was at a crossroads in life and career. Since she no longer had a spouse and needed to start earning a steady income she had decided to find a "steady job". This would present a challenge because of the current state of junior sales lady's life. She had no experience with one major product line in the industry, even though she had been in the industry over 7 years and was associated with her current organization ofer 5 years. At the same time, experienced sales lady needed an assistant, but given the the office had a planned relocation to a neighbouring city within a six month period, experienced sales lady thought it would be impractical to hire a new assistant because of the immenent move. She bumped into junior sales lady in the office who confided to her about her dilema. Given her predisposition to help people, and knowing the difficulty Jr. sales lady would have, and knowing having an adea about her product knowledge and experience with the other major product line, Sr. sales lady got a flash - why not work out an arrangement whereby you fill in as "mentoree", (the words "assistant" were not used) since the organization has been encouraging the senior people to use mentorship as a way of bringing in new blood, as well as "exit strategy" for the folks who are looking retirement in the face. This gesture of goodwill theoretically would work perfectly for both parties. Jr Sales lady would get a steady income and would get time to decide if she wanted to stay in the industry and the role/direction to take while learning from a Sr. person who had gone through some of the personal travails and plight of Jr sales lady; learn first hand the other product line which she needed to master if she planned a long term career in the industry, and she would have a shot of taking over clients of Sr. sales lady if the arrangement worked out and a more permanent business arrangement could be made. In this senario, everybody would be happy - Company, Bossman, Sr. sales lady and Jr sales lady. Sr. lady took this plan to the "boss", the boss agreed that this is a great idea, gave his blessings, so documents were drawn up and both sat with bossman to go over the details of the arrangement. Bossman made some suggestion for change, gave his blessing and the day was saved!
Not so fast! Firstly, it was a shocker for Sr. Lady to discover that Jr. Lady was not equipped for the position, not possessing the knowledge of products nor administrative skills, and wondered - more like lamented - how could this be possible! No sooner Jr. lady started her assignment, the whining and complaining begun. It didnt take long for Sr. lady to figure out that Jr. lady thought it was beneath her to work in the role thus reinforcing the "Not Good Enough" label in Sr lady. During the period of "mentoring" Sr. lady was a tremendous help to Jr. lady, even though her heart and effort was not in the position, so much so that she was more like a coach than someone paying to get work done! As soon as practical after the office relocation, the arrangement was cancelled, but the coaching never stopped. Of course, Jr lady benefitted a great deal and so she survived and started to thrive, pulling the pieces together, her confidence started to come back and even got better than before her crash. And so she decided to stay with her sales position and the organization. She had a review meeting with Bossman. Bossman throroughly dressed her down for having taking the "mentoree" role, telling her that that was the worse career move she could ever have made. Remember, Bossman runs branch offices for a large organization that encourages mentorship, he even had a couple of fancy lunch events where he invited all the senior sales people whom he felt were still growing their business to encourage them to get on board with the mentoring program! Remember also, Jr. Lady worked in his office for over 5 years and didnt have the requisit product knowledge of line that brought in the most revenue to his offices. Again, by doing this, Bossman helped the person whom Sr. Lady literally rescued reinforced the "It's Beneath Me" label, while unconsciously reiterating the label him and his team put on Sr. Lady "You Are Not Good Enough", "You Are Not Deserving". Good enough to give sound advice, for free of course, good enough to build a business from scratch, good enough to help your staff when you are not around or are not approachable with the kinds of queries they have, but not good enough to have a Jr. Sales person support you in a paying role and gaining invaluable experience both for life and career, and benefits the Bossman himself personally, his image of turning out successful sales people in the organization. It is these times when folks like Sr sales lady have to remember who their redeemer is, have to remain strong in faith and above all remember who they ultimately work for - A God who sees everything and work everything for good to them that love him.
Sr. sales lady had a major challenge overcoming the "Not Good Enough" label, but she did, and so can you!
Labels have always been with us in society. I dont know for sure, but it almost seem like with our evolution as a materialist society where money and achievement is the yard stick by which success is measured the use of labels has multiplied, and the sting is more brutal!
I will continue to be vigilant, not only in eradicating negative labels from my life, but will use the wisdom gained in the process to help others see labels in their lives and guide them in the removal, with their permission of course.
Let the only label you wear today be this "I am unique, one of a kind, I am here for a purpose, no one can fulfill that purose but me"!
MissSam
No comments:
Post a Comment